Purpose

“What’s your purpose?”

Few questions cause more anxiety than this one. It implies there’s a correct answer - a specific thing you’re meant to do with your life. Something you need to discover or you’ll have wasted it all.

This is one of the most harmful ideas in modern life.

The problem with “finding” your purpose

The “find your purpose” narrative assumes:

You have one true purpose
It exists already, waiting to be discovered
Once found, it will make everything clear
Without it, you’re lost

This is a lot of pressure. It turns purpose into a treasure hunt where most people never find the treasure.

And the people who claim to have found their purpose? They often found something they enjoyed, committed to it, and told a story after the fact about how it was “meant to be.” The narrative gets constructed backwards.

Purpose is made, not found

Here’s a different view: purpose isn’t discovered, it’s constructed.

You don’t have a predetermined purpose written in the stars. You have interests, values, skills, and circumstances. Purpose emerges from combining these in ways that feel meaningful to you.

This is actually good news. It means:

You’re not failing to find something that exists
You can create purpose in multiple different ways
Your purpose can evolve as you evolve
There’s no “wrong” answer

The question shifts from “what is my purpose?” to “what am I going to commit to?”

The commitment problem

The real issue isn’t finding purpose - it’s committing to one.

When you commit to something, you close off other options. You stop being someone who could do anything and become someone who does something specific. This feels like loss, even when it’s necessary for gain.

So people keep their options open. They stay “exploring” forever. They never commit because commitment means giving up the fantasy of all the other lives they could have lived.

But a life without commitment is a life without depth. You can’t get good at something without years of practice. You can’t build something meaningful without sustained effort. You can’t have deep relationships without choosing to stay.

Purpose requires closing doors. That’s not a bug - it’s the feature.

The passion trap

“Follow your passion” is common advice. It’s also often unhelpful.

Problems with passion-first thinking:

Many people don’t have an obvious passion
Passions change
Passion doesn’t guarantee skill or viability
Some passions aren’t sustainable as a life focus

A better approach: follow your curiosity, then develop passion through mastery.

Passion often comes after you get good at something, not before. You become interested in the details and nuances once you have enough skill to appreciate them. You feel motivated to continue because you’re seeing progress.

So instead of waiting for passion to strike, start with mild curiosity and see what develops.

Multiple sources of purpose

Purpose doesn’t have to come from your job.

You can find purpose through:

Work that uses your skills meaningfully
Relationships - being a good parent, friend, partner
Creation - making things that didn’t exist before
Service - helping others, contributing to community
Learning - developing mastery and understanding
Experience - fully engaging with life itself

Most people need purpose from multiple sources. Putting all your purpose-eggs in one basket (usually career) is fragile. If that basket breaks, you’re left with nothing.

Diversify your purpose portfolio.

A practical approach

Instead of searching for “your purpose,” try:

1. Notice what you’re already drawn to. What do you read about in your free time? What problems do you naturally want to solve? What would you do if you had unlimited money?

2. Experiment actively. Try things. Volunteer. Start projects. Take classes. You can’t think your way to purpose - you have to act your way there.

3. Commit for a period. Not forever. Pick something that seems meaningful and commit to it for a year. Actually invest in it. See what happens.

4. Evaluate and adjust. After the commitment period, assess. Was it meaningful? Why or why not? What did you learn? Then make another commitment, informed by this experience.

5. Accept imperfection. No choice will feel perfectly right. Every path has trade-offs. Waiting for certainty is just another way of avoiding commitment.

The question underneath the question

When people ask “what’s my purpose?” they’re often really asking:

How do I justify my existence?
What makes my life matter?
How do I know I’m not wasting my time?

These are important questions. But they don’t have to be answered by finding One True Purpose. They can be answered by living in ways that feel meaningful to you, even when you’re uncertain.

You don’t need cosmic significance. You need engagement with something that matters to you.

And “matters to you” is something you get to decide.

Related: Meaning (creating meaning vs. finding it), Values (what actually matters to you), Decisions (making commitments)