Decisions

You’re stuck.

Maybe it’s a big decision - career, relationship, location. Maybe it’s something smaller but it still feels impossible. You’ve been thinking about it for weeks. Months. You make pro/con lists. You ask everyone you know. You research endlessly.

And you still can’t decide.

Most decision paralysis isn’t about the decision. It’s about something else.

Why we get stuck

Fear of regret. You imagine choosing wrong and spending the rest of your life wondering “what if.” The fear of regret can be stronger than any actual regret you’d feel.

Fear of closing doors. Deciding means giving up other options. As long as you don’t choose, you can still be someone who might choose any path. Choosing makes you specific - and specificity feels like loss.

Fear of responsibility. If you don’t decide, you’re not responsible for outcomes. If life just “happens” to you, you can’t blame yourself for where you end up.

Perfectionism. You want to find the “right” answer. But most decisions don’t have a right answer - just different trade-offs. Waiting for certainty that doesn’t exist.

Information addiction. You keep researching because it feels productive. But more information doesn’t help when the problem isn’t information - it’s commitment.

Misidentified stakes. You think the decision is bigger than it is. Most choices are reversible. Most paths have exits. The permanent, life-defining decision is rarer than we think.

The hidden decision

When you can’t decide between options, you’ve already made a decision: the decision to stay where you are.

Not deciding is deciding to keep the status quo. It’s choosing by default rather than by intention. And the status quo has costs too - they’re just less visible because you’re already paying them.

Ask yourself: what is the cost of not deciding? What are you losing by staying stuck?

Two-way vs. one-way doors

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos talks about “two-way door” vs. “one-way door” decisions.

One-way doors are genuinely hard to reverse. They deserve careful deliberation. Examples: having children, major surgery, burning bridges with people.

Two-way doors can be walked back through. They seem big but are actually recoverable. Examples: most job changes (you can change again), most moves (you can move back), most purchases (you can sell or return).

Most decisions people agonize over are two-way doors. You’re treating them like permanent commitments when they’re actually experiments.

The 10-10-10 rule

Ask yourself:

How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes?
How will I feel about it in 10 months?
How will I feel about it in 10 years?

This helps separate immediate discomfort (which fades) from long-term impact (which matters).

Often you’ll find that in 10 years, both options lead to a fine life. The decision isn’t as consequential as it feels right now.

The regret minimization framework

Project yourself to age 80. Look back at your life.

Which choice would you regret more: trying and failing, or never trying?

Usually, we regret inaction more than action. We regret not asking more than rejection. We regret staying safe more than taking risks that didn’t work out.

Old people rarely say “I wish I’d been more careful.” They say “I wish I’d done more.”

When values conflict

The hardest decisions are when your values conflict. Security vs. adventure. Freedom vs. stability. Career vs. family.

You can’t have it all. Something has to rank higher.

Some approaches:

Clarify the trade-off. Make it explicit. “I’m choosing X, which means giving up Y.” Naming the sacrifice makes it real - and helps you decide if you can accept it.

Consider which loss you can tolerate. Both options involve losing something. Which loss is more bearable? Sometimes it’s easier to know what you can’t live without than what you want most.

Try on the decision. Spend a day pretending you’ve decided Option A. How does it feel? Then spend a day with Option B. Your gut response tells you something.

Accept the grief. Choosing means mourning the path not taken. That’s normal. You don’t have to feel good about it - you just have to accept it.

Good enough vs. optimal

Maximizers try to find the best possible option. Satisficers try to find an option that’s good enough.

Research shows satisficers are happier. They make decisions faster and don’t torture themselves with “what if there’s something better?”

You don’t need the best choice. You need a good enough choice that you can commit to fully.

The quality of the decision matters less than the quality of your commitment to it. A “B” decision with full commitment outperforms an “A+” decision with constant second-guessing.

A practical approach

Set a deadline. Not a soft one - a hard one. “I will decide by Friday.” Parkinson’s law: decisions expand to fill the time available. Constrain the time.
Limit your options. More than 3-4 options creates paralysis. Cut the field. If you’re not excited about an option, eliminate it.
Separate deciding from execution. First, commit to what. Then figure out how. Don’t let “how” questions delay “what” decisions.
Make it reversible if possible. Can you try one option with an exit clause? A trial period? A pilot project? Reducing commitment reduces fear.
Flip a coin. Seriously. When the coin is in the air, notice what you’re hoping for. That tells you what you want. You don’t have to follow the coin - you just used it to reveal your preference.
Decide and don’t look back. Once you’ve decided, stop researching alternatives. Stop asking opinions. Stop wondering. The decision is made. Now the only question is how to make it work.

The secret

Here it is: there’s probably no wrong answer.

Most decisions that feel agonizing turn out to have multiple good paths. You would have been fine either way, just fine in different ways.

The goal isn’t to find the perfect path. It’s to pick a good-enough path and walk it fully.

Indecision is the worst option. A committed wrong choice beats an uncommitted right one.

Related: Values (when values conflict), Uncertainty (living with not knowing), Anxiety (the fear underneath decisions)